Best "Out of Office" Auto Replies?

1. I am currently out of office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

7. Thank you for your message., which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeoks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Kate' instead of 'Dave'.

[True Story] Cancel Credit Card Before Die

My Aunt died this past January. XBank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge... the balance had been $0.00... Now it was somewhere around $60.00. I placed the following phone call to XBank:

Me: 'I am calling to tell you that she died in January.'
XBank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Me: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections'
XBank: 'Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been.'
Me: 'So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'
XBank: 'Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'
Me: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'
XBank:'... excuse me?'
Me: 'Did you just get what I was telling you, the part about her being dead?'
XBank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!'

Supervisor gets on the phone

Me: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.'
XBank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Me: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'
XBank: 'Are you her lawyer?'
Me: 'No, I'm her great nephew.'
XBank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'
Me: 'Sure.'

Fax number is given. After they get the fax.

XBank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death'
Me: 'Oh... '
XBank: 'I don't know what more I can do to help..'
Me: 'Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her... I suppose... Don't really think she will care... .'
XBank: 'Well... the late fees and charges do still apply.'
Me: 'Would you like her new billing address?'
XBank: 'That might help.'
Me: 'Nilai Memorial Park Cemetery ( North South Highway and plot number given.) '
XBank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'
Me: 'What do you do with dead people on your planet?'


TSOK: It's all about money for XBank Credit Cards when you die. It takes all kinds to make the world go round. Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is easy to see happening, customer service being what it is

Only In... Malaysia

[Joke] Four Cats Lesson

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer,
The second man was an Accountant,
The third man was a Chemist, and
The fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat, "T-square, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.

Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good. Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?"

The Government Employee called his cat and said, "CoffeeBreak, do your stuff." CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation AND went home for the rest of the day on MC


TSOK: This is why everyone wants to work with government

Mt. Rushmore's Back

I am sure you have seen this photo before….

But have you ever wondered what's on the other side!