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They say that marriage makes a man dizzy, and it's true. As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.
Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home & devil in bed.
But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home & economist in Bed.
Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!
Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll kill u.
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, and then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
AN older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: 'Is there a problem, Officer?'
Officer: 'Ma'am, you were speeding.'
Older Woman: 'Oh, I see.'
Officer: 'Can I see your license please?'
Older Woman: 'I'd give it to you but I don't have one.'
Officer: 'Don't have one?'
Older Woman: 'Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.'
Officer: 'I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.'
Older Woman: 'I can't do that.'
Officer: 'Why not?'
Older Woman: 'I stole this car.'
Officer: 'Stole it?'
Older Woman: 'Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.'
Officer: 'You what?'
Older Woman: 'His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see'
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: 'Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.'
Older woman: 'Is there a problem sir?'
Officer 2: 'One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.'
Older Woman: 'Murdered the owner?'
Officer 2: 'Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.'
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: 'Is this your car, ma'am?'
Older Woman: 'Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. '
Officer 2: 'One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. '
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: 'Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.'
Older Woman: 'Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.'
TSOK: Don't Mess With Old Ladies
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